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the addiction...

12.29.03 (10:28 pm) [edit]

so, my lovely book on addiction....veeeery interesting...actually, haven't been able to get it off my mind. All during work I thought about what I'm addicted to...and then Ross and I were talking about it...which was interesting...we agree on most basics, but argue the small stuff...

But I figure out what I'm addicted too, what I couldn't do without on a day to day basis...

#1: My computer. If I couldn't use my computer, my lovely, fast internet connection, I would die. Literally. I adore my shiny, white, kinda dinged up iBook. Some of my keys have come off, and my touch-pad has started to wear away. But I adore it! The feel of your fingers against the keyboard. The way it feels natural, and when you go to another computer, it feels wrong.

All my beautiful wallpapers, changed almost daily to illustrate my mood. My files full of pictures, collected from across the internet, art, photos, my own artwork, inspirations, images to use for wallpapers, cool artwork, fanart, and other stuff. My website designs, most unfinished or unused, just waiting around to be inspiration or to be finally finished (yeah, right).

I adore the internet, finding new things out, learning new things, sharing my knowledge with others...

#2: My little sis. Of all my siblings, we get along the most. Basically, because we are so alike. People find our relationship weird. We act more like very good friends then anything else. We make fun of each other constantly, in a bantering, fun kind of way. But we talk about stuff together, in each other's bed (whoever's is warmer at the time) for hours. We do stuff together, listen to the same music, share a intense, passionate love of Lord of the Rings, and books, though we read at very different speeds. We know each other very well, sometimes better than we know ourselves....

#3: Music. I mentioned this last time because it was the first thing that popped in my head. I adore music. It's my soundtrack for my life. I need to constantly feel that beat, it's part of my blood, my life, my own heart goes to the music constantly playing in my head.

And I sing...all the time. For me, it's the best way to express anything. If I need anger, frustration, I put on Metallica, it's undertones, feral and untamed, a screaming tiger, even beneath the subtle tenderness of their ballads is a growl untamed.

When I need tears, I turn to Ben Folds Five, the simplest words, the simplest music, makes me break down, but do it with passion. I listen to "Hallelujah", to "Colorblind", to "Ghost", "Angel", "Hurt", and the newest addition, a clip from "The Steward of Gondor".

It's funny actually....

I never talk about that time...when the music drove me over the edge...music made me bleed...music whispered to me a secret I didn't want to hear...

I don't talk about it much.

I don't talk about it.

That's my other addiction:

Pain.

Not physical, not some kind of pain inflicted by another. I mean gut-tearing emotional pain, the kind that feels like a knife in your belly as you sob in your car, the tears icing your finger-tips with cold...

I don't talk about it.

I don't say I'm hurt right now.

I don't say I'm hurting myself.

I don't talk.

I internalize, drive that pain beneath my skin, beneath my mind.

I don't talk about those days, those hours of blood.

That is my addiction, the pain, the internalizing of it. I can't tell people about what happened, I can't let go of all my walls.

I am not who you think I am.

I am not Anne. I am not daughter, friend, lover, former, bitch, president, page, or girl.

I am fox, running through the grass, in silence, with the gray dogs behind me, always finding me.

I am not who you think I am.

I am not.

I don't talk about it.

I can't.

...

...

I'm sorry...I said too much and not enough...

a huge thank-you...

12.29.03 (8:51 am) [edit]

I would like to give a enormous thank you to everyone who has visited the blog. I don't know why you do, or why you stick around but I must to half way interesting (or just really pathetic) for you all to come around.

Thank you.

You got me to #36 on the hot blog list! My goal, which I've stated in tBlurt is to over throw the top man. That's right, Auction! I'm coming for you!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

addictions, quizes, and more whine-age...

12.28.03 (11:12 pm) [edit]

so I'm reading this very weird book called "A Million Little Pieces". It's nonfiction, about drug addiction, written about this guy's "road to recovery" by the guy who went through it. Interesting writing style, very train of thought, no puncuation for speech...very cool...but reading this book is like watching from inside a cozy little house at the people freezing in the rain...

I've never tried drugs, I have no desire to, and drinking, the whole whooping three times I drank more than a glass of wine, were part of a birthday thing.

I just don't understand some of it...but in a way, it talks about all addictions. He says in the book that everybody's got addictions, demons, things they can't let go off, live without...

It's amazing how true it sounds when you lay in bed and think about it...how many things you couldn't live without...

me, it's music. I can't go a day without listening to music or singing...it's bugs me if I don't, sometimes I'll wander around the halls at school, just singing to myself...I don't really care if others are listening...

Anne Kinner was
a Saucy Rocket Scientist
in a past life.

Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Are you Addicted to the Internet?

68%

Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%)
While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury...

The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!

And my shoulder still hurts like a bitch...I slept on it wrong and it kills...must have pain relief...even typing hurts...

(don't know what I'm talking about? it's two blogs down)

so...I'm off to get meself some pain relief...good night.

lists and things...

12.27.03 (9:46 pm) [edit]

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?: drank and got drunk (on the same day)
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?: I don't make them
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?: My lovely sister-in-law! KOTA! I ADORE YOU! And now I have an adorable nephew named Rand.
4. Did anyone close to you die?: no....
5. What countries did you visit?:France and Canada
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?: more close friends
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: late june, early july, France, my lovlies, FRANCE! I can't tell you that, it's much too embarrasing. No one will ever know what went on there...
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: Making friends and playing nice.
9. What was your biggest failure?: Alegbra...
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?: You are asking injury prone girl...let's see...dislocated knee cap x 3, shoulder x 2, fainted x 4, asthma attack x 5, flu, days home from school (last year and current) x 16
11. What was the best thing you bought?: Paints...
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?: Chaz and Byrn
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: I don't know...
14. Where did most of your money go?: books, gas, and going out
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: summer
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?: Island in the Sun by Wheezer
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?: same
ii. thinner or fatter?: thinner, well, more musclar, less pudgy
iii. richer or poorer?: richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: writing, painting, talking, singing, making good friends...
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?: being morose, being lonely, being sad, being depressed, pushing people away for dumb reasons
20. How will you be spending Christmas?: with me familia
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?: no...
23. How many one-night stands?: hah!
24. Favorite TV show?: stargate sg-1!
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: no, I hate less people...
26. What was the best book you read?: Lord of the Rings (well, I read it again)
27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery?: Scenic Sideshow
28. What did you want and get?: something published...
29. What did you want and not get?: Athens back, world wide recognition...
30. What was your favorite film of this year?: ack! THE RETURN OF THE KING!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?:17, I went to the French Riveria (which is all I will ever disclose about that!)
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: Elijah Wood, in my closet.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?: leaning more towards punk, but it depends
34. What kept you sane?: my nightly phone call to California
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: Viggo Mortensen
36. What political issue stirred you the most?: Bush's Presidency as a whole.
37. Who did you miss?: Athens...and my childhood
38. Who was the best new person you met?: well, he's not actually new, but I actually know him now, and he's cool, so Pat Laffey
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003: I am flawed. So is everybody else.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: ""he said, turn away and see no more of me, when the light robbed my eyes of sight and sound"

shoulder trama...

12.27.03 (9:13 pm) [edit]

You know, I looked back and saw I hadn't even mentioned my accident yet!

Oh, man, wait until you hear what I did now!

So, my two bestest friends, Chaz and Byrn, came over from California (before they went to France for Christmas) and decided to go play tag outside with me.

So, we are outside, desperatly trying not to get tagged by each other when I get chased by Chaz around one of our oak trees...

Now, this wouldn't be so bad if this oak tree wasn't right on the edge of our wall that lines our driveway. However, this wall is just sheets of rock which are veeeery slippery.

So, I whip around the tree, leaning back to stay out of Chaz's hand range, slip on the rock, and fall backwards onto the concrete.

It's about a ten foot drop, not too bad, except I landed on my shoulder....

Yup, dislocated shoulder.

Very sweet....and very painful.

Don't dislocate things...really, it's not a fun experience at all.

But Chaz is very contrite and has been calling me almost every hour from France to ask if I'm okay, if he can get me anything in France, if it hurts, if I forgive him (which I do, I love that boy!).

I've managed to get chocolate, french soap, wine for my parents, art, and french postcards out of him! He's such a sucker....but a cute one, I'd never seriously take advantage of the boy....okay, yes, I did, but that's another story entirely...one which shall not be divulged...

But, yes it hurts quite a bit, and going to work today and lifting books was not too fun.

I've got a huge-ass bruise, which is weird because I could get hit by a truck and not bruise. I've been kicked in the face and not had a single blemish...

Yes, so it hurts, I'm whiny, and I should be more on top of things...

And have you checked out my new LOTR blog yet? If you haven't, do so. NOW!

pretty blue...

12.27.03 (2:01 pm) [edit]

ishn't preeeety?

I love it soooo much!

:is going a bit Photoshop happy:

GO SEE HERE!

abandonment, furthering obsession and better spelling...

12.26.03 (11:11 pm) [edit]

so, you guys still here?

man, do I abandon you people a lot!

hum, my sincerest apologies, I like my family more than you...

anyway...that probably wasn't a good thing to state in public...

So, I started this lovely new blog to hold all my LOTR obsessed postage...

Go here for LOTR fun! Well, soon coming...

I actually wasn't sure if I could have two accounts but, hell, I read the faqs and it didn't say I couldn't!

hum....so, Christmas.

I got a bunch of lovely, all different sized canvases for Christmas and some new, very good, very expensive acrylics. I recieved quite a bit of flat, green things a.k.a. money in $50 incriments. I also got a wonderful signed original Alan Lee watercolor of Bagend. I don't know how my friend got it, but he's on my good list forever....

yum....Alan Lee paintings...

um...what else did I get....PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN! DVD!

YEAH!

so happy....yes, and Orlando Bloom...(sorry, train of thought wanders)...you know that commercial I posted with him in it?

sooo, singing that song around my house and apparently, it's my sister Mary's favorite song...whodathunk?

very weird...Orlando, you make my life weird...

anyway, my dad got this cool game from my two older sisters, it's called Oxford Dilema. It's based on the Monoploy premise, board with spaces you can buy things from (in this game, letters), and special cards and bonuses from other squares. It's based on spelling, which I suck at, but it's still quite fun!

and, my nephew is the cutest baby in the world!

SO CUTE! (even though, at this moment, he's crying downstairs, he's usually quite happy)

hum...not much more to say...I should go to bed, have to get up and be chipper for work tomorrow at 9...

must decide if doing my hair or not doing my hair, because that affects time I must get up to take shower...

hum...tricky....very tricky...

christmas and more pippin...

12.24.03 (9:43 pm) [edit]

that last post was scary...

Anyway, my sister Mary came home today. She's cool and likes LOTR almost as much as me! She and Ellen played Heros a lot...like usual...

But, I went to church like I said I was. Weird, how I still go to church...

Not like my parents would let me do otherwise, they made it clear that when I leave home, I can do what I want, until then, they're boss.

I do like the feeling of christmas though, not the strange electricfied feeling of Halo'ween or the nervous energy of
New Year's, but the quiet calm thrill of cold and crisp air.

I love this time, this stillness in my house, this calm...

so wonderful...

Yes, and I've memorized that song that Pippin sings...if you haven't downloaded it, scroll down below to the next blog and do that. NOW!

Oh, one more thing! I hit fifty on the hot blogs list! WHOOT!

YOU PEOPLE RULE!

pippin sings and I cry...

12.24.03 (6:25 pm) [edit]

So...guess who went to see ROTK again?

Guess who cried a ton?

Billeh: I love you.

A lot. A lot a lot. Please call me.

Anyway, Billy Boyd took my heart away by singing this wonderful, simple, depressing song...

Home is behind the world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight

Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
Hope shall fail
All shall fade

Listen to it here...except if you don't wanna listen to the whole track, skip to about 2:30 into it to hear Billeh.

This song is very moving...especially in the movie...

Pippin's always been one of my favorite characters...his innocence is so broken in the end...and yet, his true nature never wavers...and, god, Billy Boyd's expression when he finishes the song makes me cry just remembering it (and no, I'm really not kidding, I'm crying)

That movie...it just depresses me so much...

Perhaps it's hard to understand, how a simple film can mean so much to a person...

I've been a Tolkien fan since I was six. My mom read me the Hobbit and I fell in love with the Shire folk, devoting many hours of my young life pretending I was a hobbit.

My brother gave me his lovely, Tolkien illustrated version of LOTR when I was eight. I read them all in about a week. I couldn't put it down...

I developed a deep desire to be part of Fellowship, see the white ships, the mallorn trees of Lothlorien, the party tree, Bagend, the white city, Barandur, the Ents, and Glorfindel became cooler than my brother...

I love the world, it's cultures and history, the sweeping backstory behind every move, every element. I poured through Tolkien's letters, Chris Tolkien's History's...re-read the appendices many a time...

The movies brought a human aspect that I'd never gotten from Tolkien before, as much as I adore Tolkien, his style lacks a humaness, though through it's simplicity it gains a higher vision of human and hobbit, and yes, even elfin emotion.

I adore the cast, their dedication to this project and all it's elements is stupendous. Viggo is the very vision of my Aragorn, Sean Bean, I am indebted to your portrayal of a character I always loved for his pure blatant hunger for the power to right wrongs through any means...

David and Karl, I must salute you as well, your characters are never truely fleshed, and I felt so much closer to them after seeing you play them.

[LINE]

The Hobbits:

How much there is to thank them for.

Elijah: Your simplicity is the genius of Frodo. I believe that you truely are a hobbit. The burden of the ring was truely on your shoulders, the heaviness unbearable is so visible in every weary move you make.

Billeh: I adore you. You created a Pippin who evolves, leaves behind so much, and yet comes back to being a hobbit in the end, but does not forget. Pippin is you and you are him.

Dom: Your seriousness and playfulness interplaying on the screen create a true dynamic character whose role in the fellowship is never truely explained. However, I believe you took it upon yourself to create the hobbit you thought Merry was.

You got it right.

and last, but never least...

Sean: My Sam. Samwise and I have always been close. We are people of the same vision, do enough good stuff in the background and you'll get a medal, a party, and can still go home and be the same. And yet, your Sam was not just a "stupid fat hobbit" as Gollum suggests. He truely is the turning point, the fact on which the story revolves. Frodo wouldn't have made it without his Sam, and the movie would have been nothing without your wonderful performance.

I know they will probably never read this, but I must express my love and gratitude towards these people for bringing to life a story which lies so close to my heart...

I love you all and wish you sucess, fair days, and good day.

Now, everybody, have a good Christmas, a happy new year, a good day, a happy Hannakuh, a happy Kwanza, or a Happy Winter Solstice...

I must go sing at church now...

go now. see obie...

12.23.03 (1:56 pm) [edit]

Go here now.

GO NOW, NOW I SAY!

:sigh:

obie...

whoring myself to the public...

12.23.03 (8:20 am) [edit]

hey, public, people who read this blog!

Today is the day were I whore myself for you!

That's right, I've come to ask a huge question!

I know that this is a personally blog and my daily life sometimes come into play, however, as readers, you guys deserve to sometimes get what you want...

Therefore, tell me what you like about this blog or what you would like to see me comment on.

Do you like when I talk about Wicca and Paganism?

Do you like hearing me bitch about issues and morals?

Do you like me stroking LOTR and hissing "my precioussss"?

Do you like me sharing my designs and wallpapers?

Do you like the quiz whore?

Do you like links to fun news articles?

Or do you just like the randomness of the blog?

Tell me what you like and maybe I'll try to do more of it...

Sooo leave me a comment, tell me what you think, and I'll see you all later.

Must go take a shower...

tig and another lotr things...

12.22.03 (7:42 pm) [edit]

have you noticed some changes around here?

Perhaps the new link on your left? Called Bagenders?

Funniest LOTR spoofish typish thing I've ever read. Cripes, I even write fanfiction for the thing! Read it all!

And on your right you can see two new LOTR additions! YEAH TIG! And I loves me LOTR!

So...about tig...

Don't know what the heck it is?

Well, listen to the damn cast commentary, you LOTR wanna-be!

(and be like me, quote it alllll the time!)

Since most of you haven't here's how it goes...

ELIJAH: All those days of playing Cup...

DOM: Oooh yes, Cup!

SEAN: Cup was a fantastic game.

BILLY: Cup, by the way, is where you take a paper cup --

SEAN: Dixie cup.

BILLY: A... Dixie cup, if you're American...

DOM: Or a paper cup, if you speak English.

BILLY: And you keep it up by passing it to each other. It was quite boring, but if you're waiting for a helicopter for four days, it's the main way that you pass the day.

DOM: I would just like to say that it's an original Dominic Monaghan game, available online at my website, and you can use different cups, but if you want, you can log on to my website and get an official Cup cup.

BILLY: Dominic Monaghan's Crazy Games dot com

DOM: And another game called Nudge, Billy's a huge fan of that. So, if anyone wants to get involved with game-making...

ELIJAH: Speaking of game-making, what was the name of the fake game that y'all tried to get me into?

BILLY, DOM, SEAN: Oh, Tig! Tag? Tig! Tig! *laughter*

ELIJAH: Oh my God...

BILLY: Tig was when we were filming Weathertop, and myself and Dom just started tigging each other, you know just touching each other, going "Tig! Tig!" Just for like, no reason. And then, Sean came over, and he started doing it as well. And then we'd say, "Tigtig, tigtag" like, for no reason. And then Elijah came over and said, "What are you guys doing?" We said, "Oh, we're playing a game called Tig." He says, "Well how do you play?" And we spent like the next two hours making up rules...

ELIJAH: And trying to teach me, and of course, I was getting everything wrong...

SEAN: He couldn't follow the game, and the three of us were forever frustrated that he wasn't following these new rules that we continued to make up...

DOM: So we, the three of us, were constantly getting it right, and every time Elijah tried a new way of tigging, we'd say, "No, Elijah, you can't tig on a tog, you can't tag on a tig, you have to do an elephant impression if you're gonna tig Billy... If Billy's gonna tig you back, you have to get on your knees and take your trousers down..."

BILLY: How many times, Elijah, you can't double-tig a tag! *laughter*

DOM: And for like three weeks, he was saying how much he enjoyed playing Tig

SEAN: And he wanted to get the rule book!

BILLY: And remember we forgot to say it was a wind-up! So a year later he says, "Why do we never play Tig?" *laughter*

ELIJAH: And then they finally let the cat out of the bag. My whole world came shattering down on me when they told me that that was a lie. For a whole year, I believed it was a real game, and then they told me.

DOM: Sorry, Elijah.

ELIJAH: And then, what else was not true? That's what I was asking.

SEAN: It undermines the integrity of the entire relationship.

DOM: That's what I think.

{during the weathertop scene}
BILLY: You have to remember, between these shots, we were teaching Elijah how to play Tig.

ELIJAH: That's right, keep that at the back of your mind. The lie!

And the rules of tig are....

:drum roll:

- you can't tig on a tog
- you have to do an elephant impression if you're gonna tig Billy
- you can't tag on a tig
- you can't double-tig a tag

and the most important-est rule ever:

- if Billy's gonna tig you back, you have to get on your knees and take your trousers down!

And look! You can hear Billeh say it by clicking here.

Yes...and one more LOTR thing...

"I won't miss having to stand for two hours at 4:30 a.m. and having freezing cold glue applied to my feet. I won't miss two-hour drives to work or long, long, long, days sitting in my trailer waiting... waiting... waiting. I won't miss glue in my ears. But I would do it all again tomorrow."
- Dominic Monaghan

To Dom, Billeh, Lij, Hector Protector, VM the Great, Obie, Sean "I'm still Sharpe!", Mr. Ian, Mr. Ian who once was Frodo, The John, David "Light Me On Fire", Andy "Circus", Mirinda/Miranda, Mr. Karl Moustache, "Snooty Elf" Craig, Shifty, Cate, and Liv.

And Pete, you are a hobbit. Bastardizations almost forgiven. But really, no mallorn? Come on!

Without you, I would have way less probelms and a lot less fun. You rule.

(one more thing...tblog people, can I have a new topic section? How about obsession? Please?)

no explanations and new wallpaper...

12.22.03 (11:13 am) [edit]

I'm not going to explain last night. Let's just say LOTR depresses me...

Oh, yeah, I finished by lovely little wallpaper. Click here if you want to see it. It's a John Williams Waterhouse under there somewhere...

hum, I'm off to go celebrate Yule in the woods.

Then I gotta go to work, I think...

lord of the rings...

12.21.03 (9:51 pm) [edit]

god, I just can't deal right now...

gothic type photoshoping...

12.21.03 (2:50 pm) [edit]

I've been taking JakeTim's advice and have been photoshoping for about an hour or so...making meself a new little background...

I've got about fifty layers right now...

I get layer happy...but it's very difficult to get the effect I want. I am doing a John Williams Waterford, stripped of color and turned into a tanish, old picture looking format with a beautiful golden backglow. I was originally using black with the creamy tan but it looked...off...so now I using a very dark almost black brown which looks much better...

I'm then using different brushes with different settings to create a kinda mish-mash of images on top of the main one...it looks very nice...but it'll take me a few more hours to complete...and I've got to go to Dimensions (show choir) in about 45 minutes...so I'm checking my email and going away to talk to my family...

oh yeah, decorated the Christmas tree...the thing's literally dripping with ornaments...so goregous...

I'll post the lovely 1024 x 768 wallpaper later...800 x 600, you guys suck and need better monitors anyway so you can resize it yourselves...

pain and art are one...

12.20.03 (10:43 pm) [edit]

So I'm babysitting tonight...

Random thoughts, images, poems just start running through my head...so many different things...scenarios...situations...

Suddenly I've got movies, books, poems all being written by my brain, flashed in front of my eyes like some great gala of creativity...

What the FUCK is going on?

Did somebody flip the creativity switch somewhere?

I know I've been painting and writing and composing more in the past week, but it was like a flood, a tidal wave of ideas...

I had this whole sequence of images for this story I've writing...this pool, empty, devoid of anything but leaves huddled in it's tiled corners with a man in a dark suit standing on the edge...

white doves flying through groves of elms...large houses with darken windows....long driveways lined with trees with black cars slidding up the road...gravestones covered with rocks...dead cities with red lights flashing...family photos burned by matches...grass browning...lightening hitting orange trees and scattering fruit across the ocean

weird weird images...

and poems...fragmented poems of ivory teeth and jungle heat...the press of fabric against the skin, the tango of heat between two bodies on the dance floor...red silk...orange oil upon my fingers that lingers until daybreak...sunrise clouded by mist...tears made of silver mercury...the statue kissing it's maker....an envelope unopened upon a table...a cat in a chair...library cards scattered on a floor in an empty room

and stories too...girls laying wasted in the street...houses full of laughter and sadness...death as the catalyst for everything...trees, once for two, now visited by one...library cards from libiya...indian princess bedecked with jewels and hung with sorrow...pine trees silent and cold in winter...the stars whispered voices among the trees...beauty and the beast, the wolf child...

I can't control this onslaught of images...they just keep coming...

and I talking to myself again...my brain can't merely function with the thought word...my mouth needs to shape these letters, these images, these emotions, beneath my teeth and tongue until they become real...

and yet, the thing which haunts me the most...

the single image of the man on the cliff, with his hand, pale against a tree trunk, who vanishes from sight when I blink...

oh, goddess, don't do this to me tonight...

I'm evil...but only slightly...and return of the quiz whore...

12.19.03 (2:52 pm) [edit]

This site is certified 36% EVIL by the Gematriculator

MORE THAN A FREAK
we are not sure if you are a freak or not, you are
blank and strange and have no coping skills
when it comes to anger, you tend to internalise
everything, which means you may even be more
dangerous than the dangerous freak...anyway
good luck and take care.

THE FREAK TEST
brought to you by Quizilla

Fun stuff...

Wiccans and Christmas article...

12.18.03 (8:22 pm) [edit]

Awesome article on Wiccans and Christmas here.

Very awesome. Good jouralism on Wicca is hard to find.

weird things defined, olive garden, and general musings...

12.18.03 (7:10 pm) [edit]

Must start with a reference to an older post. Perhaps you remember my freaky dream and the hijinks which insued? Well, it's finally been cleared up.

Luke, thanks for the apology (though it wasn't necessary). It's all good. I'm just glad to know the boy ain't reading my mind or something. :)

Speaking of Pat, saw the coolest Beatles picture in Calpyso today and thought of him.

Hum...so happenings in my day...

took my Alegbra final, probably failed miserably.

Um...oh, yeah...went to the olive garden with the Group from the lunch table. (Catherine! Bring me my present! :wink:) Had fun, made fun of people, got a very cool record bowl (ya know, when you melt the record around something to make a bowl?). Very cool.

Poor Annie Williams. She dropped Timmy N.'s picture frame on her way out to the car and it shattered. Hugs and kisses to her.

Oh yes, fun pictures...

And a very old website design I found hanging out on my hard drive...very weird...

however, it's too big to fit in my blog dimensions so click here to see it.

Cool, eh?

Anyway, I need to study for Brit Lit and Metalsmithing.

Have a wonderful day!

not much o' anything...

12.17.03 (7:24 pm) [edit]

blah blah finals...

I hate finals, so icky.

Anyway, now that Anne has bitched for the day, let's move on, campers...

I brought doughts to my World Religion's final today. They were rejected...so sad...rejected doughnuts...

The chocolate one's were quite tasty though...

Oh, yes, I got my poem in the newspaper, and my picture in it twice. (School newspaper) Quite the publicity whore today, aren't I?

Hum, my day was quite boring today. Came home after finals and finished my excellent book called "East". I'd tell you the author but the book's on my bed and that would require getting up. I'm being lazy...

Quite good though, it's a re-telling of the Beauty and the Beast story. Very nice...

Nothing interesting going on...I'm bored and boring today, I guess.

Might go to bed.

Ugh, the horror that is Algebra II final tomorrow is haunting me...

I'm done.

only in america...

12.16.03 (5:56 pm) [edit]

1.only in America.... can a pizza get to
your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America.... are there
handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America.... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America.... do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries,and a diet coke.

5. Only in America.... do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America.... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America.... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America.... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America.... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America.... do they have
drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER????????????????

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98 or XP, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole airplane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

In case you needed further proof that the
human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions
on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children CoughMedicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not
attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (...was there a lot of
this happening somewhere?)

no fucking way...

12.15.03 (9:34 pm) [edit]

Go here.

I want that job...

facts of the day, random things from Ellen, and metalsmithing woes...

12.15.03 (8:05 pm) [edit]

FASCINATING FACTS OF THE DAY

- The average person takes 8,000 to 10,000 steps a day,
according to the American Podiatric Association.

- Humans have between 100 trillion to 1 quadrillion living
cells in their bodies.

- Honeybees have hair on their eyes.

Ellen is laying in my bed, remarking on the fact that sperm whales has the smallest sperm, giant squid the biggest. Now, this may not be scientific fact, but hey, it's kinda funny coming from my 14 year old sister.

And my lovely metalsmithing project, a beautiful tree coin, I'll post a picture later, is giving me problems. I just can't get this flat on the top so I can't get into the middle area. ARGH!

And I've been working on this for hours...

the quiz whore returns...

12.15.03 (6:15 pm) [edit]

Congratulations! You're Merry!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yes! I am!

pervert

Pervert

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hah!

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

prostitute

You're goin' down! FOR PROSTITUTION!

What Would You Go to Jail For? (Many outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

YES! LOOK CATHERINE! I TRUELY AM A GUTTER WHORE!

holding hands

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x84fcf50)

schizoid

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse things you could be

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

uni

You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent.

"And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to
go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice
given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went
inside and bled silver blood.. For her
misdeed, the world knew evil."

Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve
(Christian) and Pandora (Greek).
The Unicorn is associated with the concept of
innocence, the number 3, and the element of
water.
Her sign is the twilight sun.

As a member of Form 3, you are a curious
individual. You are drawn to new things and
become fascinated with ideas you've never come
in contact with before. Some people may say
you are too nosey, but it's only because you
like getting to the bottom of things and
solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to
have because they are inquisitive.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

YOU ARE MARRIED TO A WoODCHUCK!!!

what's YOUR deepest secret?
brought to you by Quizilla

YES! WOODCHUCK LOVE!

beast

You are Beast!

You are brilliant and extremely clever. You can
handle almost any problem swiftly and
efficiently. You are devoted to philosophy and
are always up for a good discussion.
Sometimes, though, your anger gets the best of
you and you upset those whom you care about.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Blue furry men rule!

jesus, divinity, and the whole she-bang...

12.14.03 (8:04 pm) [edit]

So, I'm reading the Da Vinci Code again. Forgot how much that book makes me think about the existence of it all. And then, I watched Cowboy Bebop: The Movie.

All I've got is visions of butterflies and ravaged Bibles...

Jesus. The visionary who spawned a religion that reaches into every aspect of our culture today. The very thing that has inspired war, poetry, malice, justice, and kindness. The man, who's words so simple and profound, created a following so large, not even he, I imagine could have realized it's long-reaching hand.

I have always struggled with the concept of Jesus. His influence on my faith is probably the first most reason I left the Catholic Church for Wicca.

Sounds funny, don't it?

I've always liked Jesus. His left wing, radical, heretic views are similar to mine on many points, and yes, dissimilar on others. But I always felt a connection to the man who was always painted to look like my brother.

I picture him sometimes, alone on the road, gazing up at the stars, the moon dark in her sky, his mouth whispering anthems to the vacant night.

But, I've always had a huge problem with Christianity's view of Jesus.

His divinity.

Did you know that a discion was made on Jesus's divinity? That's right. Most of the gospels not including in the Bible were, in fact, not including because they talked about Jesus as man, flesh and blood, bleed and die.

If Jesus was divine, the Son of God, it makes him worthless. What does it matter if another god type being can come down to us and offering his godly wisdom, never experiencing human hate, human rage, human loneliness, human pain, human love.

If Jesus is divine, none of his suffering matters. Another reason I admire Jesus is that he suffered for his faith, for his belief in something more then the bare human form, more then the bare human conscience.

But, if Jesus was man, blood, bone, sweat, tears, sinew, thirst, hunger, he is so much more.

We know him as human. We know ourselves through him. The bitter bite of betrayal from your closest friend, the kiss of the snake, the temptation of the easy way out are all the human problems, the human traps, and his as well.

That is human weakness, human stain. Jesus has to be human. He can not be divine.

Otherwise, all his deeds, all his pain, all his sacrifice is nothing but the divine lowering themselves to our level, not one of us reaching the divine.

I like Jesus. His courage has always interested me and his humanity has caused me to leave behind a faith I never felt comfortable with.

And so...I leave you with this...

the purest blue reflects
the deepest red
which forms
the human stain
that reflects.

the con of man
stands upon the hill of
sand
his devil torments,
his god is silent,
the human stain,
the human rage,
the human,
the god,
the man.

blacking out, money, and killing christmas shoppers...

12.13.03 (11:57 pm) [edit]

So, I know I slipped again last night and didn't post anything but, believe, I've got a good reason.

And, no, Tim, it's not cause I'm a lazy fuck.

Last night, I blacked out/fainted. Quite an interesting experience, fainting. You don't actually remember fainting, just waking up again. It's like there is this blank, black spot in your memory. You don't know you've fainted until you've woken up. Kinda cool, actually.

But, hey, you're listening to the girl who likes blood...

Anyway, so I came home and slept from about 5:30 p.m. till about 9:30 a.m. the next morning. Quite a rest, eh? Very nice.

But today I went out and bought Christmas presents for my people. Got Annie Williams a fantastic present, hope she likes it...got some other people presents too, including my Secret Santa from school. Still have to get my brother something...

I swear, Christmas shoppers are INSANE! I had to call on my car dragon! He's snarky and kinda cranky, but I hadn't called him for a while. Found a place two seconds later. Cranky car dragons rule!

Mall was horrendous. Remind me why I torture myself with society...

But I babysat tonight for the children who don't go to bed. Paid me $55 bucks, which more than makes up for what I spent today! Yeah! Happy!

Watch some of Pirates again. I wanna 'nother tattoo! And more piercings! I've only got three! I need five or so. That would be good...

Have to cantor at church tomorrow, study for my exams, go wrap Christmas basket presents, and prepare for Yule. Oh, yeah, and make a pin for LOTR day.

Hum...Aragorn....

:sniff:

I WANNA SEE IT ON THE 17TH! STUPID EXAMS!

As, you can see, I'm quite upset.

But, I must not pity myself so, I have Vanity Fair to tide me over. (Viggo's on the cover, yeah Viggo!)

Yes, and happy belated b-day Dom. Love you like a pirate loves booty!

(humm...that sounded....wrong...)

apologies and weird days...

12.11.03 (7:27 pm) [edit]

Sorry, didn't post the last few days. I was just too tired at night to post!

So, let's find out what went on in the world of Anne...

Yesterday, very weird thing happened. Sitting at the lunch table when all of a sudden Laffey starts talking about dreams and then turns to me and said, "She had a dream about me too." or something like that...

Um....I didn't him that...and the person I did didn't either...therefore, I must issue this lovely little disclaimer...

PLEASE DON'T TELL PEOPLE ABOUT STUFF I WRITE HERE UNLESS YOU'VE GOT THE BALLS TO BACK IT UP, YA WANKERS!

JC, you people. Have some common sense. And Laffey, if you're reading this, just own up to it. Weird...it's not like I didn't want him to know that, it's just....I don't know...

Hummm....(note to Cat and Tim: this doesn't apply to you. you two are cool.)

Anyway, now that I've ranted about that...

Sliced my finger open in metalsmithing. Sawed all the way into my finger to the edge of my finger nail. Hurt like a bitch.

Sorry, no more tarot card of the week for a while. My scanner cord got mauled by my puppy and shall not be replaced for a while.

Public apology: TIMMY! Sorry, I forgot to print it out!

(Anne is shamed)...

But let's move on to today. Went to Iowa City (yeah hawkeyes!) to sing at the Unversity of Iowa hospital, but first we went to Coral Ridge mall for about an hour and a half. Bought the cutest pirate braclets from Hot Topic and arm warmers. Needed another pair.

I have a huge bone to pick with Hot Topic though.

1.) Using an Anarchy A on a commercialised t-shirt defeats the purpose of the Anarchy A.

2.) Good Charlotte is not punk, was never punk, and will never be punk.

3.) Pirates are cool. However, making pirate skulls and culture "hip"? Not cool! I like pirates because they were murdering, filthy thieves. Not because I imagined them to be "hip" or a symbol of rebellion. Please, don't proclaim your self pirate because you want to be that much closer to Orlando Bloom.

4.) Make the damn "I'm A Pirate" panties come in my size! (stupid skiny people)

5.) WAAAAAAAAAY too expensive, people.

Rode the carousel, dragged Timmy N. into Vicky S's, and laughed over at Spencers.

OH! Saw Emily, my former accompianst who left us to travel with Mama Mia(?), at the Gap today. She's soooo cute!

Yes, and I have been witness to someone actually falling into the Gap now. Timmy N., what a dork. Cute dork, but still dork.

Speaking of Timmy N., did this kid two readings, one just general past, present, future, and then a romance one.

That kid, out of the 20 some reading I've done, has had the best readings. Like phemonally good stuff. All good, wonderful things, no question.

Weird...

Yes, but that a bit what life has been like. Weird, good, and frustrating...

And, as my parting shot...

6 DAYS!

...and if you didn't know what that meant...well, getting shot would be too good for you!

apologies and weird days...

12.11.03 (7:25 pm) [edit]

pirates, quizzes, and macbeth-ish nosense...

12.08.03 (5:56 pm) [edit]

so, I got a few emails wondering about the pirate thing. So, why not explain myself!?

I am the Pirate Queen. I can't really remember why I am...nope, now I remember. My mom called me that because I pirated software. But it kinda became my "thing".

She's my alter ego which comes around when somebody needs an ass-whupping or a good shout at. Her appearance is marked by my wearing one blue sea-glass fish earing in my right ear.

I have a ship, the Defiance, and have a small crew that is ever growing. My little sister, Ellen, is my first mate. Her best friend, Maria, is my master of arms. Amanda and Tim are the navigator and helm's man, but I can't remember which is which. We also have a monkey, George, and Annie, my best friend, is the look-out.

It's fun, I even made shirts. They have skulls on the front, red D's on the sleeves, and slogans about our characters on the back. Mine says "Queen of the Seas" on the back. I wore it for Carribean day at school! Great costume!

I've loved pirates forever though. I read pirate books all the time when I was little! I wanted to be a pirate soooo bad!

Someday, someday...

[line]
You're Perfect ^^

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Goddess

You are a goddess!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hum...I am a scanticly clad woman :shock:...interesting...

But anyway, on too daily life stuffs. Laffey gets home tomorrow. Cool, I can stop freaking out.

Um...I'm supposed to be writing a Macbeth essay right now and I'm not...

Oh, yeah! I've decided to do two tarot cards a week, one on Saturday or Sunday and one on Wednesday or Thursday. Otherwise, it would take me a fuck long time to do a 78 card deck...

But, I don't got much else to say....

Oh, I got kudos today! YEAH ME! YEAH ME! KUDOS!

Well....that's all I've got to say....hum...yep....all done...

um......good night?

PIRATE!!!!

12.07.03 (8:22 pm) [edit]

Pirates of the Caribbean!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

YES! SOOOO AWESOME! I'VE PROVED MY PIRATE-NESS ONCE AGAIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I AM THE PIRATE QUEEN!

the three of rods & daily news...

12.07.03 (7:04 pm) [edit]

Ah, the three of rods (or wands)! Wands are fire and are related to willpower or motion and, in my deck, are growing shoots. They reflect personal achievement.

Meaning

The three of rods represents problems or situations that can be resolved with work (perhaps in the relation to another card you've chosen or what you are asking the cards). Other people may step in too help you out. The two ships on the card are going away from each other, sailing away from shore, and the figure's back is turned away from us. This gives us a sense of ending, but ships can return from sea and travelers from pilgrimages, sometimes with great wealth and wisdom.

Reading

Cooperation and maturity may solve a confliction, interference by others needs to be handled, success in business through negotiations, and solid foundations to be established.

Negative: (when you pull a card reversed, it is called negative and has another, though not necessarily opposite meaning) Your problem is resolved. Expect an end or a lull to fights or adversity.

[line]

so, my first tarot lesson is done. Feel free to take the image and use it for the week but if you really like them, go out and by the deck. It’s the Hanson-Roberts deck and runs about $16 at Barnes and Nobles. Very lovely and about normal playing deck size.

Anyway, not much happened today. I dyed my hair again. It’s quite red now! But I’m going to take a shower and see if some of that dye washes out. Hum…I did my hair and wore makeup today…very odd.

Funny how I do that on the weekend just around my house and don’t bother to at school!

Probably because I don’t care what anyone at school thinks. I like making people squirm. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yes, have to finish my paper on samurai for world religions. Ugh, then I have to do chemistry. Icky poo.

tarot cards and general morose-ness...

12.06.03 (10:10 pm) [edit]

So finally went out and found me self some wonderful Tarot (pronounced Ta-row) cards. I choose the Hanson-Roberts Deck. Very beautiful, though I wish the cards were slightly bigger.

Don't know what Tarot Cards are? Well, guess what, you're going to learn with me!

Tarot Cards are a 78 card deck with a 22 card Major Arcana and a 56 card Minor Arcana divided into four suits, Wands, Swords, Pentacles, and Cups. The 56 Minor were the precursor to the 52 card common playing deck you see today. However, during the Renaissance the cards took on a persona of divinatory substance, which they still have today. The cards are looked on as guideposts, not guidelines, to daily or lifelong events. Each as a different meaning and a second meaning when reversed.

Each week, on Saturday night or Sunday night, I will pull a card from the deck, scan it in, and explain it's illustration and meaning, so I can learn and you can too.

Lady, that sounded teacherish....

Anyway, on to morose-ness!

Laffey (big dream thingy you can read about in the blog below) has been bugging me and it's all I can think about. Must meditate.

No, seriously, I've been having all these creepy feelings and sixth sense type things happen to me. Crazy dreams I remember when I wake up that feel like they were real. I only usually have one of those a year, but now...all the time.

Cripes.

I watched Shakespeare in Love today and I got depressed. It's just so hard to watch something when they have to be apart. Colin Firth was an ass too, that was dumb.

Stupid movie. Pretty Joseph Finnes. Pretty....

And Gwyneth Paltrow has really small breasts, I mean really small.
Weird...but she's absolutely gorgeous, looks like a Michelangelo, sculpted out of virgin marble.

But, yes, I'm sleepy and am going to bed now.

Tarot Card tomorrow!

even more quizzes and romantically frustrated...

12.05.03 (9:40 pm) [edit]

What Cosplay Type Are You?

What Outlaw Star Character Are You?

Yeah! Cat girls kick ass! WHOOT!

What Anime Stereotype Are You?

Crap, I'm male!

What Magical Girl Are You?

What Inuyasha Villain Are You?

And, yes, once again, a guy. But my favorite one from Inu-Yasha, so it's okay!

Who's Your Anime Boyfriend?

HAH! Kick ass!

Anyways, now that that insanity is done, moving on...

So the dream about Pat has been really really bugging me. I mean super bugging me. I dreamed about the boy dying doing something that he will be doing less then twelve hours from now. Driving up to TEC! I can't stand it. I really want to call him but I'd think that would be weird. God, it's so weird. And Annie thinks I have a crush on him and I realize I've talked about him waaaaaay too much to convince anyone of anything.

Which is weird because there isn't anything. Nada. Which is weird too. I think I lost it.

I can not a crush, no matter how small, on any one. I can only like people for their physical attributes. It sucks. No romantics notions, no day dreams, nada, nope, nilch.

Crapity crap crap...

Why am I so unromantic now? Is it because of Athens? Because I don't think anybody can fufill my romantic needs? (well, they probably couldn't....heh :twisted:)

Goddess, I hope I don't stay this way forever. Only physically attracted to hot men and hot girls. No romantic notions only, "hum...I'd love to get it on with him/her"

Really really puts a downer on things.

Not that I go around having crushes on everyone I meet normally. I just usually have a little crush on a boy or a girl. I don't. And have tons of guys that I love, just as friends and as cool people. Girls, sorry, but I have only liked a select few romantically. Most annoy me. Few have the spirit I'm attracted too. It's hard to find a good bi/lesbian girl these days. Really sucks.

Hum...am talking waaay too much about my sexuality tonight.

Anyway, I got really pissed off in choir today. K-ROHW (Mr. Rohwer) was gone today and the evil know as B-itch was there. ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH! Cat, you know what i'm talking about. I was ready to slaughter something or someone.

But, I'm going to re-dye my hair on Sunday, need to do the roots and the top better. I love my red hair! SOOOO PRETTY!

Have to work tomorrow and do my chemistry, damn worksheets. OH! St. Nick's day tomorrow, just because I ain't Christian, don't mean I can't reap the benefits! :wink:

Good Night, My Dear Dear Listeners!

Google fun!

12.04.03 (8:06 pm) [edit]

Go to www.google.com.

Type in "miserable failure" and hit "I'm feeling lucky"

Be amused, blame timmy.

yelling and obie....

12.04.03 (8:03 pm) [edit]

my parents yelled at me today. God, I hate when they do that. Sucks sucks sucks.

I've had bad bad visions all day about Laffey getting in a huge car crash coming back from TEC...it's really freaking me out. I had a really bad dream about it and him being dead.

It's really freaky...

Everybody is making fun of the candle incident. Stupid people. Laffey had to make sure Dan knew.

Humph.

Macbeth test went okay though. Hope I did well.

OH! I won first place at our school's poetry contest. Will post my poem later. I don't have a copy of it with me. But I got thirty bucks! Whoot! I want kudos!

Oh, yes! Mostly naked boy swimmers only wearing speedos at the assembly today! My day rocks! I like boys.

Nice arms, nice pecs, nice abs, nice shoulders.

hecate, candles, and jump starting cars...

12.03.03 (8:56 pm) [edit]

So had my choir concert today. Most interesting affair. Dimensions, our lovely show choir, bedecked in turquoise sparkling dresses and vests, performed our Beatles medly first. It went pretty well, except for when I went the wrong way around T.J., my partner, in "Your Mother Should Know". Also, Laffey kept making me crack up again during "Let It Be" before the "New Age" dancers (not really new age, just really funny and intrepretive danceish).

Matt Ward's eyeliner. Funnier then hell.

My Dimensions dress being longer then my choir robe and having to go commando. Not funnier then hell.

Other funny thing. At the end of our Christmas concert, we always sing Night of Silence. Well, the seniors, of which I am one, all go down in front of the stage and hold candles. We light them during the song and then blow them out at the end....well, we were supposed to.

Except it got to me and...um.....I just kinda stood there. For probably two minutes or so. Thinking about my Macbeth test tomorrow and gazing off into the distance. Laffey gave me crap for it. Everybody gave me crap for it. It is kinda funny though.

Got hot wax all over my hand though.

Anyway, onto the jump starting cars. I go out to the parking lot after the concert and lo and behold! I've left my lights on again. Crapity crap crap. So I go inside and find Luke Roth who says he'll help me if I help him finish putting the chairs back in order. So I do that and John Holman helps me instead.

So we go out, get a few guys to push my car out of the snowbank it was parked in and hook it up. He procedes to strip off his shirts down to a muscle tee. Added perk, I say. How many shirts do guys wear? Hum...

Anyway, he couldn't get it, so I called my dad and he came and fixed me up with some energy juice. Didn't get home till 10:15.

And I still have to study Macbeth for tomorrow. I have a test in Brit Lit. God...I really don't wanna take it. Stupid class. Stupid teacher. Stupid stupid stupid.

Argh...

But in interesting night all in all....Oh, yeah. Cut myself shaving last night and it was still bledding this morning. Starting bleeding during Dimensions too. Good stuff, blood.

Hum, my vampiristic tendencies are returning...

my feet are bruised...

12.02.03 (7:35 pm) [edit]

my feet hurt sooo bad. We had show choir tonight and danced for maybe two hours, in character shoes. My knees hurt, my feet hurt, my thigh hurts from yesterday, and I'm soooo hungry and tired.

Whine whine whine, that's all I'm good for tonight.

Koester broke up with her boyfriend, Clayton, which is weird. I've known Clayton a lot longer then Cate. I remember back in third grade, discussing "The Hobbit" in the back of the classroom under a table. Good times. Now, apparently, he steals stuff and drinks a lot. It really makes me sad. He's such an intelligent, wonderful person.

And Koester's really upset. She got cheated on twice. It really sucks and I don't know what to say to her. She's a tough place right now, and it's my friendly duty to help her out of it.

Also, Pat likes her, I guess. That's what I was told, at least. I don't think they'd make a good match but hell, if he wants to go for it, then I'll try my darnest to help him. Hum, maybe that's why he asked me that....hum....

Anyway....

I'm tired....

Lit Club on thursday, we're dicussing the Da Vinci Code. Excellent book. Mentions Wicca once. Has a lot to do with female symbolism. Very good read.

Choir concert tomorrow, which sucks. I have to go to work from 3:30 to 6 concert from 6:45 to about 9 and then come home and sleeeeeeeep....

tired tired tired whine whine whine......

random poemage...

12.01.03 (9:20 pm) [edit]

reincarnation

tiny pricks of pain
upon my palms
reminds me I'm
dripping naked wet
and not in
the garden of eden
where
I was eve,
and
I was adam,
and
I will be apple again.

random things in the shower. and, I have a big bruise on my thigh. It really hurts. I'm being whinny.

I need sleep now...

linkage is cool...

12.01.03 (8:51 pm) [edit]

Thanks for all the links people put on their websites to me. It's nice to know my strange sense of humor and wisdom is wanted.

Now, I must go to bed before I get in trouble again!

:lol: 8)

why I'm wiccan...

12.01.03 (7:07 pm) [edit]

I get asked this so much, so I'd thought I'd address it.

What my being Wiccan comes down to knowing myself.

There was a time in my life in which I didn't know myself, where I was following other people, leaving my ideals waiting at the backdoor, pounding to get in.

However, I realized that even though I'm an over weight, not exactly the prettiest in the room kind of girl with a loud voice, I'm still pretty cool.

I figure out for myself my views on abortion, homosexuals (found out some stuff about myself then too...), and sex in general. And then, I thought about deity.

Deity has always been weird for me. I never liked the Catholic concept of "God" because of its confines. I didn't like calling a supreme power "Him". I also felt as if the Divine was distant, not pertaining to this world.

I became pagan, maybe not consciously, but spiritually. My views were different, my thought process different. Everything changed.

But I felt lost, I didn't understand how to put my new ideals and values and feelings about the Divine into a practice. My bestest guy friend listened to my ranting and rambling for months before he suggested I put down what I do believe and work from that.

It took me a while. Writing down your core beliefs is not easy; you never stop to think about things like that a lot. Whether or not the Divine is part of nature, whether or not you believe in Jesus as Divine.

Stuff that seems easy, becomes hard.

I wrote down these beliefs and then went on a hunt. I poured through books, the Mishanas, the Chuang Tzu, the Bible, and the Koran, looking for spiritual guidance.

However, the most impacting thing I read was this.

"If you put the Bible out in the wind and rain, it would eventually wash away. Our bible is the wind and rain." - Native American woman.

It spoke to me so truly that I went back to my first love. Ancient pagan nature religions. The Sex, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll of Religions. The stuff that kept me enraptured from age seven. I used to love reading about Artemis, Apollo, Vishnu, Buddha, Diana, Brigid, and Thor. Ancient gods spoke to me; ancient rites pulled me to practice them. History was my driving passion.

In Wicca, I found a reflection of that. A reverence of old times through a new awakening of knowledge. I now devour history again through my constant source of books, which is my library. It fuels my spirit and my faith.

It's funny, actually. In eighth grade, I took St. Brigid as my patron saint because she was cool and spunky. Guess who became my favorite goddess? That's right, the cauldron stirrer herself, Brigid! (pronounced Breed)

Ah, the funny things that happen on the way to the Wicca...